Interested in learning how to effectively implement life-long habits?
An important place to start is breaking things down into do-able chunks
instead of combining multiple steps together that can become
overwhelming or at least seem that way.
Trouble with sticking to a
particular way of eating? Difficulty implementing and sticking to an
exercise program? Issues with following through doing something you tell
yourself and/or others you want to do?
Instead of shoving the whole apple in your mouth (because we all know
it works so well to eat an apple in this manner...), try taking a bite
of the apple, chewing it well, swallowing, and then take another bite,
chew it well, swallow it, and so on. By making a small change first and
following through with that change until you get pretty good at it, THEN
adding another change and sticking with it until you get pretty good at
it, THEN adding another and another, you set yourself up for success
and for life-long changes instead of the yo-yo effect so many of us
experience because we can't maintain (effectively "chew") everything we
try to implement at once.
The above description is really just a starting point. It goes a ways towards lasting change, but without the other aspect I describe next, it can still be surface change rather than deep, core change.
The bigger part of the
process of true, lasting change is examining the underlying beliefs that
we may or may not be aware of. By doing
things such as setting a goal and implementing individual steps to
reach that goal, then following each individual step and doing it
whether we want to in the moment or not to reach said goal, we have the
opportunity to learn things about our beliefs and who we really are at
our very core. We also have the opportunity to learn from the times when
we don't do what we say we want to do. Actually, not doing what we say
we want to do holds tremendous potential for growth because there is
typically a contradictory core belief to that stated
want/belief/goal. When someone can identify
that core belief, they then have the potential to begin to see where it
affects their thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors, which can then lead
to developing self-control in those areas by choosing to do something
different than what they have typically done in the past. It is this
aspect of change that has an even greater impact than the changed habit
itself.
Think in terms of someone who says they want
to eat better and more healthy. Take someone who has followed the
recommendations of the past 50-60 years and eaten the standard American
diet. Helping them understand that a diet that high in carbohydrates is
not healthy requires a complete paradigm shift and change in mindset.
The core beliefs, everything they have been told for the past many
years, is called into question. If they aren't willing to look at those
beliefs and challenge those beliefs, they will not be successful in
implementing long-term change because they won't truly believe in what
they are doing. No amount of small, do-able habits will last over a lifetime unless
something happens that changes the core belief.
Looking
at it from another perspective...sometimes people can have all the
information they need to do something different and they still go back
to doing what they usually do because that is what feels familiar to
them. In this case, think about a woman who is in an abusive
relationship who either stays with or keeps going back to the abuser.
What keeps her there or going back? It is those core beliefs that she
most likely isn't aware of...her unworthiness, her helplessness, her
hopelessness, her "badness", her "insert many more descriptors here."
Whether it was her upbringing or a series of bad choices or something
else, until she becomes aware of what is going on inside of her, until
she gets pushed to a breaking point, until something highly emotional
snaps her out of wherever she is, she will not leave that situation or
she will find herself in a similar situation again. Understand, I am not
faulting her. I am highlighting patterns that present themselves many
times in situations like these. It is because she sees so little value
in herself, has little to no self-worth, etc., that she doesn't see any
other way. For her to be successful in leaving and staying away from an
existing abusive relationship, and to stay out of a future abusive
relationship, it is vital that she identify and challenge those core
beliefs that feed worthlessness, lack of value, helplessness,
hopelessness, etc.
Obviously, this is a difficult
task for someone to undertake on their own, whether it is something such as leaving an abusive relationship, something such as changing eating habits or implementing an exercise program, something such as leaving a miserable job and finding a better job, or any number of other things. It is important that they
have someone who can help them identify those things. They don't need
someone to tell them what to do; they need someone who will help them
discover for themselves so that they have ownership of the new
discoveries.
